My Real Time Eulogy

At seventeen years old, I wrote my first eulogy to say farewell to a stepfather I deeply loved. Reflecting on his short lived life was excruciatingly sad, and yet, I was able to reminisce of fond memories as well. 

Recently, I decided to take up a 31 day writing challenge.  There are some extremely interesting topics to consider, and to avoid if too emotional.  The subject of writing your own eulogy was Day 1 and I have to admit that it was quite the personal challenge.  How does one sum up their life in a few short minutes?  And so I wrote...

My Eulogy

It’s really hard to put into words the kind of spirit Carmen had during her time here with us.  Carmen was most proud of her children and grandchildren.  Without them, she felt life wasn’t even worth living.  Parenting her children came with long days and sleepless nights.  More so, she was often frustrated with not knowing if she was guiding them along in this crazy life to be productive, loving, God fearing people someday.  She often expressed to her closest friends that she worried about whether she would see her children in heaven someday.  

Carmen could cuss and smoke with the best of them; she was indeed born a sinner and died a sinner.  But, Carmen loved the Lord and was always quoted as saying, “my faith will not be broken.” Through a tough life, her faith was never broken.

It’s interesting to think of her life in many ways.  She moved many, many times as a child.  She is remembered by most from her childhood as outgoing, friendly and easy to get along with.  As a woman, Carmen moved many, many more times. She lived as far North as Vermont and Rhode Island, as far West as California, as far East as North Carolina and as far South as Texas.  She somehow made moving a family across country look easy. But, Carmen struggled internally each time with knowing that her children had to leave behind yet another part of their lives they would never see again.

Carmen was a wife for more than 21 years to a man she loved until her last breath.  She expressed after her divorce that it was excruciating to end her covenant with her husband and God.  She felt that she, nor her husband, could give anything else to one another that could ever wipe away the pain and suffering that occurred over many years.  Carmen chalked it up to kids marrying kids – and then a life of military moves, combat trauma, loneliness and lies.  But, despite all the hard times, Carmen very much had wished for a different ending.  She spent the remainder of her life praying that her former husband had found a wonderful companion and was blessed with nothing but love and family.

Carmen was a hard worker and dedicated her life to helping others as much as possible. She believed in the “pay it forward” concept. She often stopped traffic to give money or food to the homeless.  She enjoyed volunteering with military families for 19 years – in crisis and to provide just every day support about the military life.  After settling down in Ohio after her family departed the military, Carmen volunteered on community boards in support of Veterans, low income housing and recreational programs.  Carmen was overjoyed when she became a Caseworker at Children Services. She left a better paying job to follow her heart. 

It’s Carmen’s heart that led her into a young marriage, into the military life, back to Ohio after her spouse's retirement, through a divorce and into the field of helping children and families.  Her faith guided her along the way and she believed that all things – good and bad- that happened to her were for the good of God.  She believed that the tests here on earth were needed, presented and were not always supposed to be easy.  But, Carmen always knew that God was with her, even when she could not feel his presence or when she ignored his presence.

On her dying bed, Carmen asked me to share a few things she wish someone had told her sooner.

Reserve the word “love” for people that deserve it.  It’s an important word that should be sacred.

Reserve the word “hate” at all costs. 

Look at the specks of color in your children’s and grandchildren’s eyes.

Accept your mortality.  You’ll start living when you do.

Give to others with no strings attached, but with boundaries.  There is a difference.

Turn the other cheek.  You will never feel good when you strike back – emotionally or physically.

How you get a relationship is often how you will lose it.

Pay your own way, make your own money and don’t owe anyone a dime.

Live within your means.  When you do, life is easier and love is more present.

Everyone has pieces of their childhood that hurts.  Don’t be a prisoner of it.  Be an exceptional product of it.  We spend 18 years in our childhood.  Then we spend the rest of our life blaming our childhood for our adulthood mistakes.  Consider that most of your life is not lived in your childhood.  So live your life in the present.

Be you.  Always be you.

Laugh.  A LOT. Laugh at yourself.  Laugh with others. Laugh at life.  Then laugh some more.

If you believe you are always right, then you are wrong, unhappy and will remain unhappy.

Treat every human being with respect.  Every woman, man, child, the elderly, the disabled, every race, religion, ethnicity, gays/lesbians, educated/uneducated, right brain thinker, left brain thinker, rich and poor – all deserve an acknowledgement of their existence and common decency.  Imagine your child being judged. Every human was somebody’s child. 

What we give to the world we do get back.  If you help others you are gifting them happiness.  From that, you will find happiness in helping others.

Respect the generation before you, and the one after you. 

Never break the spirit of a child. 

Apologize when you know you need forgiveness. 

If you are unhappy, change it.

Never make a promise you will not keep.

Never give up.  Life has cycles. Dig yourself out of every hole and keep climbing.  If you hit the bottom, there’s only one way to go so keep moving. Don’t stop!

Love the Lord with all your heart.